Finally Ready to be Happy Again
2 years and 4 months. That's how long I have actually been unable to fully work out. If you go back to my blog posts you can see when it all started. 2 years and 4 months ago. It was then I felt on top of the world. I was the healthiest and strongest I have been ever. But things don't always go as planned.
I spent over 1 year just figuring out what was wrong with me and another year with no exercise just trying to normalize my back from the herniated disks I had been diagnosed with. In that time I gained back all the weight I lost when I started CrossFit in 2014. I was miserable and wanting to exercise so bad. But I followed the orders and waited.
During that time I tried to eat well but I really struggled because I was unhappy with myself and the lack of activity. I tried a big box gym. I tried walking the dogs, various eating programs, etc. None of it worked for what I needed.
I probably could have gone back sooner. But I needed to be ready. And I wasn't.
About 2 weeks ago a friend and I ran into a gym goer at a bar. She told us how much we were missed at the gym. And that was all I needed. I convinced my friend it was time for us to go back. I felt ready.
I spent the weekend mentally preparing myself. I had availability to attend my favorite class 4 days that week. I went for 5 days in a row. I was back.
Do I still hate the weight I gained? Of course, I do. Do I hate the way I look? You bet. And the fact that none of my clothes fit. Yes, all of that too. But I am ready to start over. To be stronger again.
I have a tougher schedule this week and cannot attend my favorite afternoon class. That means I have to go at 6am. I convinced my same friend to go with me at 6am. I have been to 6am 2x this week. I will go to 6am tomorrow. I have plans to go the afternoon class the next two days after that and yoga one of those days after CrossFit.
Part of me is mad at myself. I do this often (every few years) where something (normally injury) causes me to stop working out and all the hard work I put in is down the drain. I am sad about that. But I am also confident that since I did it before, I can do it again.
I am counting my macros and trying to lean out. I bought supplements. I am taking BCAA's and a few other things. I have a dress to fit into in September so it's crunch time.
At the same time, I am being careful. Today was deadlift in a workout. I did deadlift last week, it was fine. I did it today. I was off balance and felt a twinge in the left side of my back. I stopped right away. I did not continue as I know better now. Progress in some fashion.
I won't be lifting heavy or going for crazy one rep maxes. I will be lifting what my body can handle. I will be fueling appropriately. I will enjoy being back in the gym with my barbell in my hand because that's where my happy place is. And so, it's time to be happy again.
I spent over 1 year just figuring out what was wrong with me and another year with no exercise just trying to normalize my back from the herniated disks I had been diagnosed with. In that time I gained back all the weight I lost when I started CrossFit in 2014. I was miserable and wanting to exercise so bad. But I followed the orders and waited.
During that time I tried to eat well but I really struggled because I was unhappy with myself and the lack of activity. I tried a big box gym. I tried walking the dogs, various eating programs, etc. None of it worked for what I needed.
I probably could have gone back sooner. But I needed to be ready. And I wasn't.
About 2 weeks ago a friend and I ran into a gym goer at a bar. She told us how much we were missed at the gym. And that was all I needed. I convinced my friend it was time for us to go back. I felt ready.
I spent the weekend mentally preparing myself. I had availability to attend my favorite class 4 days that week. I went for 5 days in a row. I was back.
Do I still hate the weight I gained? Of course, I do. Do I hate the way I look? You bet. And the fact that none of my clothes fit. Yes, all of that too. But I am ready to start over. To be stronger again.
I have a tougher schedule this week and cannot attend my favorite afternoon class. That means I have to go at 6am. I convinced my same friend to go with me at 6am. I have been to 6am 2x this week. I will go to 6am tomorrow. I have plans to go the afternoon class the next two days after that and yoga one of those days after CrossFit.
Part of me is mad at myself. I do this often (every few years) where something (normally injury) causes me to stop working out and all the hard work I put in is down the drain. I am sad about that. But I am also confident that since I did it before, I can do it again.
I am counting my macros and trying to lean out. I bought supplements. I am taking BCAA's and a few other things. I have a dress to fit into in September so it's crunch time.
At the same time, I am being careful. Today was deadlift in a workout. I did deadlift last week, it was fine. I did it today. I was off balance and felt a twinge in the left side of my back. I stopped right away. I did not continue as I know better now. Progress in some fashion.
I won't be lifting heavy or going for crazy one rep maxes. I will be lifting what my body can handle. I will be fueling appropriately. I will enjoy being back in the gym with my barbell in my hand because that's where my happy place is. And so, it's time to be happy again.
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