It's Time to Find a New Hobby
Friday was the day. I finally received a diagnosis about my back. The diagnosis is I have a herniated disc. It occurs when some of the softer "jelly" pushes out through a tear in the tougher exterior.
Many people don't feel or notice when they have this. Most experience leg pain, albeit aiding in the diagnosis. The diagnosis was difficult to find because I do not have any leg pain.
I spent time Friday morning with the doctor while he showed me the MRI where he found the issue. He explained everything very candidly.] We went through all of the things I do: running, squatting, jumping, barbell lifting, any kind of lifting, twisting, swinging, bending, rowing, free weights more than 10lbs, pull ups, push ups, sit ups, etc. So what can I do? He explained that I cannot do any exercise other than walking or a stationary bike at this point. The recovery is 6-12 months of waiting (and hoping!) my body will heal this on its own. If it doesn't then I will need to be reevaluated.
There is no treatment. Because I don't have leg pain, an epidural isn't likely to work since it's used to treat the leg pain specifically. If I do try it, I might not feel the pain and then do more than I should, therefore delaying or worsening the recovery.
Before any of this started I was working out 6-7 days a week, sometimes 2x a day. I was in the best shape of my life. I would even consider myself one of the better transformations at my CrossFit gym. Not because I am arrogant, but because I worked hard to be that athlete.
I have a hard time thinking about how I will function in the next 6-12 months of my life. I could easily say I have made it through worse. But right now, this is pretty bad.
CrossFit or any form of exercise is my outlet. When things are bad, I can chase the evil away with a barbell. When I am emotional, it gets everything out, and I can go on being my normal happy self. If you know me at all, I don't think any explanation is needed about how devastating this is to me.
I feel lost. Helpless. I am scared I am going to gain weight. I am worried about how to handle my emotions without being able to use a barbell. I cannot think about not working out without nearly breaking down in tears. This happened once before when I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. I gained a bunch of weight because I was told then to stop doing what I was doing, which was everything. Back then, I listened, and the result was awful. This time, I want desperately to find alternatives so I can get my exercise in. So far my research has turned up nothing but walking and stationary bike. They recommend swimming too, but my doc says not to me.
My friends are all sad for me. My husband, not as much. He thinks I am ridiculous. Which of course makes my anxiety over the whole thing even worse. Let me tell you something gentleman if you are reading this and your woman is going through something, I promise if you tell her that you are sorry this is happening to her and that everything will be okay, you're doing 100% better than what my guy did, which was to literally tell me I am ridiculous.
I don't have any answers as to how I am going to get through this. Working out gives me the intensity I need to escape myself. Without it, I fear the worst.
I am now on a mission to find a new hobby that will satisfy the same thing for me. Afterall, it's important to look at life's challenges not as setbacks but as opportunities to discover who you are.
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